Shame free homeschooling & parenting

I’ve been itching to dive into the topic of shame free homeschooling ~ which is also an extension of parenting right?

I love Bruce Lee’s quote… “Styles seperate man.”

Here where it comes in with this subject. No matter what “style” we align with in parenting and or home education… I have found shame lurking where we feel we no longer fit “that” mold, love what we’re doing but wouldn’t want to share it in case it’s just not the “done thing” for (insert style) homeschoolers.

We’re homeschoolers! We’re ALL about not being cookie cutter mass produced carbon copies of others! Let’s just be ourselves! I’ve been crippled from sharing any studious efforts my children have put in, over the years… for fear of shame and judgment!

And recently… coming to focus on how Shame works and thrives on secrecy and silence… I’m coming out to say I don’t feel being devoted to any particular style as though it is “god”, is serving anyone!

I’m studious. I’m respectful. I’m both gentle and well boundaried. There are expectations I have on my children not to be disrespectful towards others and my “gentle parenting” would not interfere with that.

Many people mistake gentle parenting for permissive. It’s really not! This week at the park… another child, for no reason at all (a 6 year old), pulled my 9 year olds hair from behind, for FUN it seemed!

I just realised in that moment… that my children have never been like that! When my daughter came and told me… I spoke with the boy about how “we don’t hurt other people” and “pulling hair is hurting people and no one likes to be hurt!”

🤦‍♀️ This was before I handed the stage over to the mother to ideally do a little more coaching. Just want to say… in my eyes… parenting and homeschooling is simply being a coach for and to our children.

They need this! And sometimes coaches push! Because they know how close a team player is at becoming their greatest! Parenting and homeschooling to me is… as Dr John Demartini would say a good balance of support and challenge… that’s what we ALL need to thrive!

That is simply “wise” parenting. I just want to say that I no longer feel called to use a hardcore style label on myself as a homeschooler.

For lack of a better word, you could call me an unschooler. But it never really sat wholeheartedly with me for one, my children have never been to school. There’s nothing to “unschool”.

Our life’s not school centric. It’s focused on family, balance, ebb and flow. I think no matter what type or “style” of homeschooler you are, it’s wonderful! That you’ve taken your children’s learning into your hands to encourage, support and guide!

Can we all just rest in that place for a moment? Rather than shaming those who practice homeschooling “differently?”

Isn’t that why we homeschool? To allow grace for being different?!

To the Charlotte Mason book worms, the Classical Homeschoolers striving to master the attainment of knowledge, the Unschoolers diving deep with all of their hearts, to the Curriculum dedicated smashing out the lessons with love in their pj’s, to the family taking time off for illness, the eclectic, Steiner, Faith based Bible studying family or the school at home family… I salute you!

You’re doing a wonderful thing teaching your own! All of you! Let’s all acknowledge that we are all in this for the love of our children. For their well-being! And stop being afraid of judgement around which styles we practice.

More than that… let’s stop shaming other styles. For its such a superficial thing… a style. It’s merely an outer layer of identity! What’s inside the heart is all that really drives our life fulfilment. Not appearances!

This blog is just cracking the egg so we can get to the bottom of the conversation around the illusion of separateness. I hope I can begin to prize the shell open a little moving forward.

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And be sure to leave your comments and questions there!

Love & Gratitude,

Leah