When faced with performance questions…

Recently I was asked if my 3 year old can write her name yet.

As a default people pleaser, the drive to “perform” is literally something I personally have had to “de-school” myself on A LOT! I come from a family where on my mother’s side, on which I had siblings… I was the over achiever, but as universal law has it, on my father’s side, I felt “not enough”, compared to all of the great achievers in the family.

In that moment I was asked this question, I instantly responded with “No but that’s something we can work on.”

Within less than a second I felt I robbed myself of pride and like I should have stood up for US better. Looking back, I feel like I should have asked that person if they could “touch their toes yet” or do back flips “yet”… or something to that effect. But, focusing on one’s weaknesses rather than strengths… is not what unschooling / “home” – “schooling” is about.

It’s about immersing oneself in what makes them come alive! That’s what makes the world a happier place! Radical paradigm I know! But an infectious recipe for ‘success’ I say!

I will say my 3 year old has known her alphabet by sight and sound (not full song)… since she was 2. She organically writes letters with pride and excitement on her own… without coaxing or coercion at random. She’s slowly getting through handfuls of letters out of the blue… coming to me with them.

All this without asking! And that’s my intention. She’ll write some letters backwards and not quite perfect but I really don’t care for that right now. My number one priority for both my children is their Mental Health. It always has been and always will be. Who knows… maybe they’ll be future advocates for larger scale mental health support systems and learn to write along with way. That’s the possibilities I see for them!

Our 7 year old writes stories for pleasure so often… so it’s never been a worry of mine. Being an author, I have no doubt that my love of writing will be more than sufficient exemplification for my children. I share this story now as an example to other non schooling families. I know it’s a huge cloud over the head of many parents -being questioned at random and unexpectedly around “performance” of (insert task).

Don’t be a people pleaser like I was the other day. Stand up for your children. Divert the conversation to something more meaningful. Reading and writing is a part of life and people would do well to stop obsessing over it like it’s something difficult to master. With the booming childhood illnesses and mental health crisis, let’s turn our focus to something more important in childhood for once!

Let’s stop looking at them like circus performers who need to do special tricks to appease and entertain. “Can they write their name yet?” is far from what truly matters in my eyes for a 3 year old.

It may well be what pre-schools are trying to push these days (I’m not sure) but I have zero interest in this kind of systematic processing for children. I also don’t subscribe to the “shoulds” and meaningless “targets” that have nothing to do with the child’s free will and natural curiosity.

I’m going to leave this hear now. I appreciate you being here and thank you for reading. I simply hope that in my sharing, you can find faith in your chosen path to TRUST your beautiful children. I hope that you can FORGET the external indicia that a system of strangers defined as appropriate for your unique child.

Love and Blessings,

Leah